"We need to bow down and accept that we're slaves."
Please, I would love to see the passage dictating that we need to bow and accept that we're slaves.
"The whole point idea that we're born sinners and that we should live our lives to please this master who is never satisfied"
Actually, he is satisfied. Just not for people like you, whom out of pride and spite reject him.
"I can live my life as a nice human being who cares very deeply about the people in my life without living to please this supernatural bully that Christians think is so great."
Actually, yes, you can, that is all your choice, you can do whatever you want with your life. Because you have a life, and choices. Gee...
"They like to wax on in this sagelike and poetic manner about how great it is to be unworthy servants to this tyrannical being."
Once again, can you point at the passage where God decrees that we are to be his unworthy servants? .... .... .... or have you read the bible?
"I want to be happy."
If you can't fit "accept jesus's sacrifice" on your schedule with "do things to make me happy" then that is entirely your choice.
"Let him send me to hell for doubting him and his big book of contradictions. Would that make me respect him any more? Would that be the actions of the fair, just, and merciful God?"
Well actually, and speaking for once without sarcasm, most likely, upon gazing upon his visage before Lucifer pulls your soul into damnation, I'd say that you'd be pretty damned impressed.