I'm was born in England.

No, I got that, I was apologising.

---

What's the point of a hero with no one to save?

Le sigh

Thank you some one understand my pain.

*Ahem*

If you guys want to be silly, there are lots of forums for that. If this actually related to life and death, that would be different.

I'm sorry i guess i'm not in my dark place today.

It happens to the best of us. Perhaps posting on here is helping you to stay alive?

No posting here is just making me happy that I have a chance to talk to different and interesting people.

Yet I agree, posting here does make you a little happier. Especially on "taboo" subjects. And meeting nice people is just a bonus

Taboo subjects is what drives me to keep the KNC going. Why should we have to talk about things that are "Permitted" by general society. We should take about the oddball issues, the things you would never talk to your parents about and such.

I think in some part the forums do keep me alive. It is my only outlet for me to speak my mind. I never talk to my family or friends about my feelings.

I would love to talk to my family about these personal matters but there could be consequences that I rather not face.

Ya i understand. Their just some things you can't tell yoru family.

Alive? Who's to say I even AM alive?

The only thing keeping me alive is thoughts of vengeance against everyone who's helped destroy me.

Well, according to natural selection, I bet I should be pretty dead years ago.

Why I'm still at this side of mortality is because I was partially joyless and tried to find my way of fun. I always believed I would be in some kind of adventure at times. Later on I just was just willing to become a perfect being or warrior. Learning to control my mind and body, even psychic powers. In the process I just helped people out and became selfless and at peace. All I missed was some understanding, love and attention. I thought of kicking the bucket at will, but didn't do it. I was young, and life could still pick up.

It picked up and I kinda started to become 'perfect'. No dependencies on someone else. No desire for anything, the least materialistic. At some point just tried to enjoy my life. No one is perfect or can actually stay that way. I fell for Lolli and got really happy. My motivation quadripled(sp), my fighting spirits for things I cared and my morals boosted. She kinda became my life. As things ended, well, you know what happened. I posted less to none at times. Didn't role-play as much as I used to. Didn't care about things, gave up easily on about anything.

As I was becoming 'perfect' I focused on never comitting suicide. There was no point and there are people who care for me. It's impossible to become 'perfect' when you're dead anyway. For the last few months I just felt like going on, same reasons. And I felth like I deserved to suffer, rather then end it. Going the easy way out. I'm too persistant to just quit like that. As I told Kuro, I only dodge things for people that care about me. Lolli is the main reason I dodged stuff. All I fear now is to lose her.

So, my top-most reason I keep living is because of Lolli. As I resolved things whit her last night I won't get down easily again. I think I'll live very happily for a while from now.

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Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam, et lingua eius loquetur iudicium.
Beatus vir qui suffert temtationem.
Quanium c-um probatus feurit accipient coronam vitae.

Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison.

Oh quam sancta, quam serena, quam benigna, quam amoena.
Oh castitatis lilium.

What drives me to stay alive?

Friends: No...not them. Mainly because I've lost a lot of friends due to constantly moving. So I don't care that much about friends, since I'll probably lose the ones I have now in about a year or two. If I died, they'd mourn my loss for a bit. Then they'd forget my name.

Family: Maybe. I mean...I've met a few parents who have lost their children. I can't imagine how painful it must have been to see their child lying in a casket. Don't want to put my parents through that kind of pain.

Dreams: This is probably it. I've wanted to be a cartoonist for many years now. A famous cartoonist. And I'm not going to stop until I accomplish that goal. I don't care about being rich. I just want my work to be appreciated by millions of people. I want them all to see how good I am. And I want them to tell me how good I am, because I'm an egomaniac.

Hmm. I guess that's it. It seems a little silly, doesn't it? But then again, I'm a silly person.